Episode 12: Our Hobbies Tell A Story
When we moved to Southern California in 2014, we only knew a few people, and I didn't know any other Stay-At-Home Moms, though I sure did try to meet some! (See Episodes 9 and 10: The Pull of Motherhood.) Devin was just 2 at the time, so I was home with a cute but hyperactive toddler all day. My one hobby that I could do that was just for me was swimming. I would take Devin to the YMCA, where they had daycare, and I would lift weights and swim laps.
As I got into my swimming groove again, I started to look into more open water opportunities. The only real opportunities for that were in the Pacific Ocean. I found an event called the Tiki Swim, which had 2 options--a 1.2 or 2.1 mile swim. Of course, being radical me, I decided to train for the 2.1 mile swim. How hard could that be? I was a competent swimmer. I spent the entire Summer training for this swim, nearly 95% in the pool, and I got up to 2 miles. In late September, I got ready for the Tiki Swim, which was in Oceanside, near San Diego. What I had not prepared for was the size and power of the waves in Oceanside. I severely underestimated how difficult it would be to get past them, since this was a beach start. Holy crap! I would duck down under each wave, and feel myself getting pushed back to where I started, if not back further. There were lifeguards all over the place, which was both reassuring and disconcerting. I thought I was going to drown, so it was nice to know that they were right there to make sure I didn't. But then I thought, "How many people have had to be rescued enough for there to be lifeguards everywhere?" I finally adopted a duck and dive, swim as fast as you can method of getting past the waves, and eventually I made it to calmer water. I remember being so winded, and feeling my heart beat so fast, I had to float on my back for a couple of minutes to catch my breath.
I swam and swam until I just couldn't go anymore. I don't know if I reached a mental or a physical wall, but I ended up asking a lifeguard to tow me to the finish line. I was so embarrassed and defeated. I think part of it was exhaustion and part of it was knowing that I might have been the last swimmer on the course. There was a time limit, and I wondered if I would make it, and I just couldn't do it any longer. They put me on a water sled attached to the back of a jet ski, and got me to the end. Jeff and Devin were there waiting for me, and though I know now that they were still really proud of me for even attempting this (Jeff was, Devin was too young to even know I didn't make it on my own), I felt so ashamed! There were only a handful of times in my life where I had failed to accomplish something I set out to do. I felt foolish for underestimating the strength of the Pacific Ocean, for not training for the full 2.1 miles, and then for "quitting" well before the finish line.
I still have shame about that, and the other 2 times I attempted this swim and didn't make it. But I have enough experience in the Pacific Ocean to know that there is absolutely no shame in admitting that the ocean wins sometimes. In fact, it is good to bow out if you need to. Most people don't even try!
I did complete the 1.2 mile swim the next Summer, and I feel really good about that. I started from a different beach, and the waves were still big and powerful, but I was more conditioned for it, and got to the finish line. I felt so good! And not only were Jeff and Devin waiting for me at the finish line, so was Laura, my dear friend and swim training partner. As you can imagine, it is difficult to spot individual swimmers until they pop their heads out of the water at the finish line--well, really it is a finish ramp. Jeff knew it was me before then, though, because he knew what my swim stroke looked like. I thought that it was really sweet that he knew me that well. But we had done a lot of swimming together in training for the triathlons, and we definitely have a history there. I can spot him from far away when he is running a 5k, and I know him by his stance on the ski slopes. We have a 27 year history of doing all kinds of things together, and you just start to know how someone moves.
That is what is so cool about looking at hobbies as part of your life story. They aren't just things you do to pass the time. They tell a narrative of what you were like at different times in your life. I was a triathlete when I was young and fit and bold, and then as my body broke down a bit, running and biking fell away, while swimming stayed. I've introduced paddleboarding as a way to quiet my mind when I just can't handle my neverending anxiety. Swimming has been that one thing that gives me peace, and also an expression of the cool things my body can still do.
So, what is your story? How have your hobbies changed as you have aged?
#OurHobbiesTellAStory #OceanSwimming #OceansideSwimming #FearOfFailure #PacificOceanSwimming #SoCalOceanSwimmers
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